My religion

Being tired of most organized religion and their exahsted yelling of what essentially amounts to "i'm right, you're wrong, now go die in a whole and decend to the bowels of hell or accept my religion." i would like to propose my own alternative veiwpoint on the matter. My religion is as follows, in the form of thirteen suggestions:

1) Worship however you want, whenever you want. There are no set meetings or any set beliefs beyond the acceptance of others.

2) There is some form of higher power, see it however you want, and don’t force your views on anybody. This is not to say don’t have lively discussions and debates, that’s how religions and ideas grow, just don’t be so rabid as to assault strangers and/or ride from door to door like those damned Jehovah’s Witnesses.

3) Any idea is open to review and change. Since nothing in this is beliefs only ideas, it can all be changed easily.

4) There shall be no dooms day preaching or shouting matches about fire and brimstone coming to kill us all for our “evil ways.” Most of the time said ways are only evil to some people, and therefore can’t be truly evil.

5) In contradiction to the above stated idea, there is but one rule that cannot be broken. NO MURDER. Murder, that is, as defined as the conscious non-consensual taking of another conscious humans life. Basically, abortion isn’t murder, nor is assisted suicide, nor removing feeding tubes.

6) Follow your own moral guidelines. Murders already defined as wrong, anything else is up to you. That’s not to say that you can go out and rape and plunder small villages and we’ll back you up, keep it reasonable. Do it if you want, but we won’t have shit to do with you while you’re in prison/dead.

7) If you want meetings, it’s your job to get people to show up, do it whenever you want, we don’t care, if anybody wants to come, they’ll come. Don’t flip a bitch if no one shows up, that just means we either don’t like you, or you suck at planning.

8) Anybody can make a sermon if they want, on anything. You want to do a sermon on what you believe and how it’s helped you, knock yourself out; a sermon on a book you read a while back and how you think it affected the 1911 World Series, kudos. We don’t have to listen or show up to either. You might just be speaking to a wall.

9) Anytime you think you hear the ‘voice of god’ calling you to do something, clean your ears out or stop being crazy. If god wants to speak with you, she’ll show up and say it straight out.

10) God has no definite shape or form. You need one to focus on, make one up, it’ll inherently be right. Hell, your god could be a 6’3” blonde with huge tits who never wears clothes, why’s she need to anyway, she’s perfect ain’t she? Or, your god could be a rock you threw out your window once, no one cares.

11) You want holidays? Make ‘em up, but make them believable, we can’t be discredited all the time, and don’t make so many of them that your boss/school start to question why you’re out once a week for “the feast of Turkslami day.” For some reason I don’t think they’ll buy that that was the day of the week your god created the turkey and salami on rye sandwich.

12) Not creative enough to make up your own shit? Steal it from another religion, it makes things funny as hell and confusing for people who don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, and, best yet, current religions aren’t copyrighted like the songs on Napster. There’s no legal recourse!

13) To expand on #6, since there’s no set belief or idea on god and religion in this ‘religion’ feel free to make up your own moral guidelines, as stated before, but don’t push them on other people. In other words, you can believe cussing is bad, but try not to get twitchy when other people do it.